So I came home from work the other night and it wasn’t dark yet. I pull into a space close to the gated door of my building. I look up and what do I see? Someone has crashed into the wall surrounding the complex.

I know I moved into an old condo complex, and I know there are elders here, was this one of them? I’m thinking has anyone called the cops?

Wtf?

The person somehow ran over 2 parking cement barriers, over the curb, 6 feet of grass and into the wall hitting the supporting beam holding up the second floor.

Then I saw it, a silver older model Honda with a big dent on the front left hood, debris over it and the front end damaged. It was parked in the middle of 2 spaces like whoever did it, hit the wall backed up, and shut off the engine. I look inside and see a cloth-covered steering wheel, a can of soda in the console, and a cane. I look to see if there is any blood. Nothing but a can of coke, is the person a diabetic?

The crash looks fresh like no one has seen it. I walk through the iron gate and see the wall was broken through on the other side, debris everywhere. There is a first-floor apartment a mere 8 feet from the hole. like whoever hit the wall if they kept going would have driven into someone’s living room.

The trajectory of the hit was an angle like they were coming from the side, They didn’t drive straight into the parking space and jump the barriers, they drove from an angle which meant they went over two cement barriers, the curb, grass, the wall and hit the pillar.  Holy moly Batman, Youde think hitting 2 cement barriers and a curb as some point you would hit the break?

No one is around. I’m a nurse and I’m wondering wtf is the person hurt or still here somewhere or passed out?

I go upstairs and see the second-floor cement walkway is cracked. Oh hell, the pillar is leaning. I wasn’t walking over that,  what if it falls now? That is a crappy way to die, a geriatric nurse falls through the cement 2nd the floor after the elder hits pillar. Fuc no.

I go back down and run under the walkway to get to my apartment on the other end of the building, which happens to be on the 2nd floor go figure. I call my neighbor and asks who hit the wall? He asked if was a white Hyundai or a blue  Toyota? What the hell? No a silver Honda I tell him, oh not what I expected” he says, great, now I need to look for those cars in the parking lot too?

So I’m worried and I’m wondering if someone is hurt, so I call the police to come and run the plates to see if I can check who it is and see if they are hurt. The police don’t come, 30 minutes later I call again. Crickets. Why did I call 911? Isn’t that the emergency #??

I go back downstairs and run into a lady in the parking lot, I say who did this do you know? She says “Oh yes an old lady, but she is fine she messed up the pedals,” I say what? She may be hurt or maybe she has dementia she needs to be checked out”. OH no she’s fine,” I say The police are coming you know they will want to make sure she is ok” Her eyes grow wide “She’s fine! then she walks off not telling me who the wall crasher is.  Bitch, thanks for that.

Wait till she runs you over carrying your groceries lady, or smashing into your car… let me know how that goes you idiot.  Protecting the person is NOT helping her.  OK, then I throw up my hands. If she’s found dead in her apartment tomorrow maybe you might feel some damn concern instead of protecting her whoever you are.

I call the police one more time and they finally show up, the policeman is a big obese cop with an attitude and yells at me “Are you involved?? No “where’s the owner? I don’t know, Can’t you check the plates?   His partner runs the plates, The obese mean cop yells at me “I’m not knocking on any doors if you don’t know who it is”. I say I’ll help” he says ” I don’t care,  if you don’t know hit the wall we have nothing more to do here”. The other cop then says the car is registered to a man in east Texas.

“We can’t help you, and Im not walking everywhere knocking on doors” the asshole cop snaps at me. Of course your not, you must be late stuffing your lazy ass with donuts and not working you unhelpful jerk.  And they leave. Thanks for nothing, you couch potato.

Well, long story short I found the lady when another neighbor told me who she was the next day.  Sure enough, her apartment was in front of the smashed hole in the wall.  I guess she was planning to drive into her living room.

I knocked on her door, to see if I could figure out if she was ill, hurt, or demented.  A smiling elderly chubby woman answers the door with her chihuahua.

She had an accent like she was from Poland or something and I couldn’t hardly understand her words. I asked if she knew who hit the wall (just in case I’m wrong) “Oh yes that was me “she laughed, like it was no big deal that the 2^nd floor may fall on top of us at any moment.

“I messed up the peddles,” she says smiling. I noticed a bruise on her cheek. I asked her did you hit her face? ” No that’s old,” she says. I wasn’t so sure.

She certainly was happy to admit it, and said “I guess my insurance will pay for it” I said well, your insurance might go up… trying to chit-chat with her to feel her out. I introduce myself and she gives me her name and tells me she is 83.

The car is my deceased husband’s, she says. It still drives “fine though” Never mind you hit the wall and there’s 2x10s holding up the 2nd floor behind me. . as she happily chats away. “You should come and have coffee with me sometime honey” she chirps.

Nope, but having a nice long cup of coffee with the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV)  safety department might be a good idea for you. Im thinking.  I excuse myself and leave.

But seriously, unsafe driving which I believe hitting a wall qualifies, the DMV should be notified and then she will be checked out and have a driving test. But with no police report now what?

So here I sit with a name and address and per DMV requirements they must have the DOB of the person if the car is not registered to them.

Dead end.

She’s 83 , no Facebook, Instagram,  nothing that I could find.

Damn it to hell.

What can we do?

Here’s an idea; maybe there should be an “elder driver”sign on cars like a “student driver” to warn all of us. Better yet put a “student driver” sign on the car if they fear being labeled “old” like my mother. If I see “student driver” that’s fine, I’ll be careful around them even if they are really 90…..I mean I don’t want to be labeled agist.

Either way, now I’m parking at the far end of the complex and looking out for her car, the white Hyundai and a blue Toyota the neighbor said is dangerous too.

Great…

First the water pipe explosion and debacle, now an impaired old lady is on the loose and runs through the wall of my building. So far the 2nd floor is still being held up by temporary wood pillars from Home Depot. If the workers are anything like the so-called plumbers around here, we are in trouble, and I’m neverr walking on that side of the building again.

I’m afraid. What’s the next thing coming my way?

And will I be the one calling 911 again? Will it be a fat rude cop who’s too lazy to do more than eat?

Ya know, this is why women love firemen; they are lean, strong, stay in top shape, and help you turn off the water to your building in an emergency. And they always do it with a handsome-ass smile. This is why they always get laid more than cops. .but I digress.

I don’t want more disasters.

I want my wine, a hot bath, and something to help me sleep…. like a visiting fireman.

Hey maybe my next 911 call will be more fruitful than my last… just saying…

My trigger finger is itching, time to plan another trip…. I’m safer in the air than in my own building.

Things come in threes they say.

What’s next?

Somewhere in Texas avoiding my complex parking lot.

And wishing I was living where the old folks get around on the buses.