So here I  am after a 3^rd urgent toe surgery on the toe that keeps on giving… and losing..

A quick synopsis of the toe chronicles:

First surgery was 9 weeks ago to correct three toe deformities from rheumatoid arthritis.

2 weeks later the 2^nd toe announces she is not perfusing all the way. “It’s dusky,” the surgeon said.

Not good. A week later, it’s turning black on the tip.

I went to a hyperbaric oxygen chamber five times, hoping it would help, but insurance doesn’t pay. 5 treatments was$1200. That is enough spending for me. Did it help? No, but maybe 20 would have.

Third visit to the surgeon; me and the doc decided the black tip needs to come off…… Or I could leave it alone and hope it falls off on its own in a few months. No, I don’t want that, I said. “Snip it off, please.”

 2^nd surgery scheduled; to nip off the tip which made the toe look better, it was too long, and with the tip off, it lined up with the other toes. So I thought, ok, at least the foot will look even. I was happy.

Im still non-weight bearing, at 8 weeks, mind you.

Three days ago, I saw him for post op of the tip-off. He scrutinized it and at first, he said it looked good, then he pulled some dead scabbed tissue off and went “uh oh.”

You never want a doctor to say “uh oh” in your presence.  Now I’m trying to keep my humor up.

“I feel the bone, the tissues are too thin to heal over it. I need to take out the screw and resect it”. He says with concern in his voice.

Um resect means amputation, says the nurse in me. I kept my swear words to myself.

 Maybe I should rethink sending cookies to the staff now.  

“You must hate seeing my name on the schedule”. I chirp. He says, “No, I just want to take care of it, and I’m sorry it’s happening”  with sincerity in his eyes. I feel bad for him. And can’t believe I’m going through this either.

I remember him saying he “never lost a toe in his career”. Does half count? I wanted to say. I didn’t. I was running out of toe humor at this point.

“And we can’t wait,… what are you doing today? He says. UM today?  “Yes, like at 1 pm.” I’ll get you in as urgent, and the insurance won’t question it.” Well damn. Of course, I’m free at 1 pm. Anything for you doc. NOT.

See, the damn insurance should have paid for 20 hyperbaric treatments, it damn sure would have been cheaper than going in for a 3^rd surgery and watch my toe get shorter and shorter.

Way in the back of my mind, I’m thinking who’s f***idea was this? Damn it.

“We will call you 9 toes,”  my brother said sarcastically as I went to the hospital two hours later.. Thanks for that.

As I checked in the same nurses that saw me the last two surgeries were there. I said we all need happy hour together, as this is getting to be a regular thing. Maybe come up with a cocktail for lost toes. Like a “toegarita, or a “tip toe tini” with extra gin. They laughed.

The funny thing is it’s not funny despite all the toe jokes at this point, the toe that caused so much grief was not even this one. It was another that was overcorrected and “floated” and rubbed on every shoe I wore. That’s the one I thought (jokingly) would get nipped off. I had lots of jokes for that one. Not knowing it would be toe #2.  And we all know “#2 means shit.”  

If Mom were here, she would have said, “Never say what you don’t want to happen”. Joking about “nipping” off one toe has led to a different one getting axed. hmmm

overall today is just not a good day, says me and my toe. Despite losing my toe bit by bit, I have also lost something else in my life, which I won’t get into. I really don’t want any more losses, I need some gains…..

Either way, I sure hope this is it. I need to walk and shop for closed-toe sandals soon.  And I need a toe tini to soothe my toe woes.

Oh, and a name for her;….stubby? No, shortie? Maybe, I named her Lucille a while back and prayed she wouldn’t leave me.  Thanks Lucille.

Somewhere in Texas non non-weight bearing.

Talking toe.