So it’s been a while since I wrote, I’ve been under the weather again. I take autoimmune meds for my Rheumatoid and with every kid who blows snot in class which is every day, something jumps on me. So the teachers and I have been trading coughs, sneezes, and runny noses for the last 4 weeks. I’m so tired of always being sick.

But that aside,

It’s already like summer here. People have started going to the beaches in droves. The water is still too cold for my taste yet the g-strings and skinny Spanish bodies are out getting tan already. I’m just happy for something warmer than my damn apartment. So what do I do? I take a trip to ice-cold Norway Instead.

Why not freeze the cold out of me with the cold?

So I took a surprise trip from this “surprise trip” travel agency called “Drumwitt travel https://drumwit.com

One of the teachers told me about it a while back, it’s air and hotel for anything from 3-7 days starting at $150 total! The catch? You don’t know where you are going until 3 days before. Now a lot of people might not take a chance on this but me. It’s right up my aisle. I have 3 days off a week why not experiment? What the heck.

So I’ve been hankering to go to Norway to see the northern lights but it’s so expensive I can’t really do it.

So, I let my trigger finger do the walking and hit “purchase” on a random three-day weekend in the Drumwitt travel site. I  put in one city I did not want to go as you do have a choice to mark off a city you don’t want out of the two dozen or so places they might send you in Europe. I chose no Venice, been there, done that.

Then here it came the email 2.5 days before takeoff.

Surprise! You’re going to Oslo Norway!

Wow! And I had wanted to see Norway! What were the chances?

So I had about two days to prepare. The hotel they chose was four-star and lovely with a full breakfast! All I had to do was pay for meals and how to get to and from the hotel on my own.

Woo hoo. Ok, Oslo doesn’t get northern lights as it’s a city and has too much air pollution. But who cares, I knew Ide see some snow and maybe a fjord or two!

So, I figured out how to get from the airport which unfortunately was a tiny one outside the city and was a 45-minute train ride from Oslo city and then a seven-minute walk to the hotel.

That’s ok, what the hell, Ide figure it out, and the good news everyone speaks English in Norway! No stumbling around guessing what the signs mean or fear of asking questions in another language where I won’t understand the answer anyway.

So at the crack of dawn on Friday I went to the airport and off I went. A straight two-half-hour flight later; I touch down on the tarmac in 3C (37F) weather and there were snow showers with white slush running down the windows of the plane. De-planing from the rear of the plane onto the tarmac the blast of cold hit me like and ton of bricks. It was almost colder than a well digger’s ass as my sister would have said.

I followed the other passengers off the plane into the tiny terminal. There were no customs or immigration to deal with which was cool and smooth. But there was no help desk either. So I read there was a bus to a train from the airport, and seeing how it was almost a one-room airport, how many buses could there be? One? My instinct said just follow the others.

There was a bus ticket machine by the exit door with a line of people. I saw the line of people, looked at my watch, and opted to just go get on the bus and not wait out of fear of missing the train to the city.

I thought screw it I’ll pay the driver or whatever as I read it will take everyone to the train stop 5 minutes away that would take us to Oslo city. Easy peasy one train, one direction, no way I could screw this up.

Getting off the bus, there was one sign at the stop: Oslo with an arrow to the left. There was no more rain but snow swirling about and one bench by the tracks and my and some 50-plus others were surrounded by countryside.  The train pulled up within 3 minutes, I followed the others and sat down in a warm seat by a window.

I bought my train ticket online as I rode and showed the train ticket to the train guy when he came to check. Then I sat back and watched the snow-covered landscape go by. I could relax, I was in my happy place.

45 minutes later was in Oslo, walking through slush-layered streets to my hotel.

Check-in was easy and fast and the room was as advertised and lovely. It was warm, unlike the buildings here in Spain with no damn insulation. Any time it’s freezing here even when it isn’t too cold, maybe only 50 outside it’s 40 inside because of the lack of heat and insulation in the buildings here. Incredible what a little fiberglass can do for a building’s warmth. Why can’t the Spanish figure that out? but I digress.

So immediately I found a restaurant and had phenomenal fish soup for my lunch. It cost like $37 for a drink and the soup. But I knew that was coming. Money is heavier than snow.

I jumped on a tram and explored the city and the port. It was getting close to sundown.

I found the fjord in no time. Walking along the port of the fjord seeing the boats and tinkling lights off the buildings and ships it was lovely with the snow swirling around in the night air. The ice flows in the dark water floating around reflecting lights off the boats and the shore making it look surreal and romantic.

As I walked I noticed off to my left, two very small floating wooden cabins with a firepit in between them and a smoke stack coming out of one of them. I walked closer. I could see two ladders hanging off the sides of the decks of the tiny cabins and a walkway leading from the shore down several steps from the port.

Then I saw it, people in bathing suits standing around the fire then getting in the ice-cold black water with ice flows floating around off the ladders. Some people jumped in, whooping and hollering.  Others gently got in from the ladders off the decks and swam around touching the ice flows. Holy moly ice bathers!

A friend told me of this before I left. “Try,” he said, “It’s good for you,” he said.

“Wtf, no way,” I said before I left. I’m going to take a nice cruise on the fiord not take a bath in it and freeze my ass off I said adamantly.

I watched as they got in and out of the water, laughing smiling, and having a shockingly good time. No one looked like they were grabbing their chest either and I didn’t see any ambulances parked nearby or even a first aid sign.

 I had to admit watching the sun reflecting its golden light off the water around the little cabins and the sparkling ice flows with the fire flickering in the center made it interesting. And a lot warmer than it really was. Hence the other voice in my head said “It can’t be all that bad.”

What the hell the other voice said,  just do it, worse case you won’t feel the pain of a heart attack cause your frozen.

Ok, when in Rome I thought, and thanks to rapid-fire fingers that do the walking and a with a phone in hand, I quickly booked myself a spot for the very next day after my fjord cruise before I chickened out.

Phew.

The next morning I put half my bathing suit on under my clothes and took a towel from the hotel and mashed them in my backpack.

At 5:30 pm I went walking to the entry stairs to my location where some 7-10 ppl waited to do the same crazy thing.  Then a bored-looking young man in a heavy fur coat checked my ticket. Others waited with me until we could go into the wooden houses floating on the water. He explained to us, “No drunks if you feel faint or dizzy don’t go in or get out. ya think? He pointed to a sign saying exactly that. Well, this is not the USA where there would be consents signed, and signs everywhere that say bathe at your own risk, no lifeguard on duty.

Nowhere did he point to any signs that said the symptoms of a heart attack. Nor did I see a defibrillator anywhere. I thought ok folks don’t let me be the only nurse in the group if someone dies. Hell, it might be me. And if my hands are frozen how do I do CPR anyway? Oh well.

Who am I kidding? The water was – 4 Celsius (Um like below freezing) which is below freezing. Who’s f**ing idea was this anyway? It was the night, the sundown the other voice, stupidity. Well there I was, I wasn’t backing out now.

As I waited, I thought about how they say the Norwegians do this regularly for good health. Really? Why? Shock the body? shut down the circulation? Test the heart? What?

So then he points to one little cabin; a 10×10 foot space to change clothes in then go in the other little building which is the hot dry sauna to get warm before and after the bath.

Ok then.

We all piled into the little wooden room together; both men and women. Together. Did I say together? Yes, strip right there in front of God and strangers of all sexes. Thanks, that wasn’t on the warning sign! The space was so small if I bent over too far to put on my suit my bare ass would touch the bare ass of someone behind me. Nice way to introduce yourself. Ide rather do fist bumps!

Of course, I only had half my suit on; the top half. Why did I do that? Cause the bottom half is like a skirt and I didn’t want it bunching up under my pants and looking like I’m carrying a load in my pants. So stupidly I assumed ide be in a space for women only and packed it instead.

Great I thought, flashing my bare ass to nine strangers. Just like that. But what was I gonna do? chicken out now out of fear of showing some skin? Hell no. But I did change faster than ever in my life.

To quote a friend: “This is Europe, they don’t have issues with everyone stripping together.” “It’s just bodies.” He said. “ No consent forms,” I said.

So piling into the hot sauna I wait alongside several newbies and we sit there and sweat. Then yup, I can’t sit there and wonder. Get up and get in now. My brain yanks at me.

I step out. It’s bitter cold.  The fire is raging on the deck. The black water is looming with ice floating near the ladder. I have visions of hyperventilating in the freezing cold and worry about not seeing the bottom. How do we know there aren’t sharks down there? Don’t they swim in cold water? But on that note if you are frozen you don’t flail around and catch the attention, you just sink to the bottom like a popsicle.

Ok, then no time like the present. Time to move and not think or this bathing thing won’t happen. Where’s the whisky?

An older Norwegian woman followed me and said she would film me and then she would go in. ok good If I have a heart attack it will be on tape.

So I grab the ladder and choose not to stare at the blackness of the ice-cold abyss below me with the menacing ice flow a mere few feet from the entrance to the water I’m lowering myself into. The mind is crazy at times coming up with all kinds of disasters. Like being swallowed up in the black water, too cold to swim, drowning under the ice flow, unable to break through to get out… just like in the movies. Damn the movies.

So, I grip the ladder and go.  First one foot then the other, then lower and lower… on the 3rd rung the water was up to my waist. Thanks to extra fat I don’t feel as cold as I think it looks.  So I took a deep breath and let go.

Holy moly Batman! as I splashed down. The wind was sucked out of me by the freezing water as it hit my upper body and neck. No way would I swim away from the ladder like others.  I could barely breathe from the shock of it. I grabbed the ladder and pulled myself out like my ass was on fire. It was so damn cold I wanted to scream. Mother of God.

Hopping out I Immediately was glued by the fire. The flames reflected off my glistening frozen legs. Wow man, my heart was pounding. No chest pain though. So far so good. I was still alive, and no shark got me. Nor did I smother under an ice flow.

I then watched the Norwegian lady go in and she only got her toes wet. Back to the sauna to get warmer she says. What the heck? She was Norwegian and went in like my brain wanted me to.  One toe at a time.

So with the others, I repeated this scenario three times. I mean I had 90 minutes I was getting my money’s worth. However, I was never able to get more than a few inches from the ladder out of fear of the aforementioned things. I wanted my ice-cold fingers on that ladder within seconds to get out.

I have to say though; the view was lovely from the floating cabin, the sun going down and the ice flows turning a silver blue in the waning light, the black water, the twinkling fire reflecting off my goose-bumped skin. Nice romantic view with the knowledge of still being alive. Ok, I get it.

So, I did it. I changed with strangers and took my first-ever and probably last ice bath in a Norwegian Fjord. And survived ice flows next to me threatening to suck me under. Just kidding. Not really.

Would I do it again? Yes, but only if someone had a shot of whiskey for me when I got out.

Take the surprise trip.

“It’s good for your health,” they said.

Really……To be determined.

Somewhere in Norway