Fontenera visit # three…. As mentioned before the bath with the shower nearest my kitchen reeks… On my first complaint to the owner 3 weeks ago he sent a short scrawny toothless guy with dirty clothes to check out the odor.. He glanced at the toilet and sink not checking pipes or anything, and said its the building he couldn’t do anything as the sewer smell is because it’s not vented properly out of the building. “flush the toilet and run water more often as the pipes may be dry also’, I’m like that’s BS…. and he left.

Then a week later after Jorge left for Argentina, a friend came over and said the sink was leaking and it smelled really bad!!! The T shaped pipe underneath was loose and looked cracked. What a joke as the so called plumber was just here few days before.

Wow first visit from a friend and they smell shit. I complained to the owner the next day and he sent the another so-called plumber (fontenera) out again last Thursday. Visit #2. This time it was a tall irritated looking man with a dirty green shirt.

In preparation for this visit I did some research. I had taken photos of the pipe underneath and per my brother in New Jersey who is a master plumber it was not a P-trap as a P-trap is a u-shaped pipe to catch the water and that creates a odor barrier to block the sewer stink from coming up through the drain and making me hate life in this apartment. So I showed tall irritated man a picture of one and pointed to pipe under the sink. He kept nodding and saying “sifón sifón etc” I’m thinking why does he keep saying my name? doesn’t he understand pictures and shit smell?

He then announced he thought he was there for a new faucet. When I pointed to the pipe again under the pedestal sink he shook his head he didn’t have the part and he would come back manana. He tightened the thing and that was it … that was last Friday… hasta la vista is more like it.. Jeeses by now I’m looking for a plumbing supply to put one in myself. Wtf.

Well he never showed up as as I posted before… hasta manana…I was warned this is common in Spain, they come when they want not on your time table. So on Monday the owner texted me and asked if I would be home at 7 pm. So he came over and I was not able to get Jorge on the phone to translate. So I had to wing it. But the owner asked about the “fontonera” if he came the week before? I said in broken Spanish he came but never came back “el no tiene parts” I said.

Then I led the owner to the bathroom and as soon as I opened the door he wrinkled his nose and said ooohhhh! I pointed to the sink and shower. He wrinkled his nose again then asked to see the other bathroom. I said it didn’t really smell but he noticed the towel rack had fallen off the wall. He pointed to it and said he would fix it.

He immediately got on the phone and called the “fontenera” and translated on google he is coming now. 10 minutes later the guy showed . In walked two fontoneras (plumbers): a tall goofy looking guy and his side kick the original plumber the skinny one with dirty pants and shirt, toothless and grabbing his netherlands like he had to pee…

The owner told them to do something in the bathroom and I said again “the P- trap is missing and showed him and the plumber what one looks like. The plumber then kept saying sifón sifón etc.. They also brought a box of what looked like the same device under the sink already that doesn’t work: a bunch of pvc pipes shaped like a T. The the owner got a call and said he had to go…But but…. I needed translation to get though to them all! As I frantically try calling Jorge in Argentina. No answer. Shit . I just want it clear to everyone there is no P- trap and would everyone stop calling me Sifón??? my name is Chiffon damn it!

I immediately called my friend from the school to translate. I wasn’t gonna be left here with these 2 goofs and one grabbing his own P-trap without translation…so she got on video call and helped me. As soon as the tall goofy guy saw her face he straightened up and removed his mask. My friend proceeded to tell him and the other what I wanted and the P-trap is missing and my brother in NJ said it needs one. They then pointed to the box and told her “it is the same device” “sifón sifón” I was about to say stop calling me that! Then it dawned on me, My name is synonymous with a P-Trap but in Spanish… how lovely….

Well with two women on the line at once, I’m sure they wanted to tell us both to shut our “P-traps” as Angela was expressing my exasperation in rapid fire Spanish and they just kept fiddling with the drain.

Angela again told them about the smell in the shower and they said that means tearing up the floor and the apartment ceiling below and they have no orders to do that from “la jeffe” the boss: the owner of my apartment and this building. Nor do they do that kind of work anyway… Ah right, first clue they can’t be real plumbers…. unable to pull out shower and replace pipes in floors… that’s plumbing 101 last I heard…

So they replaced the so called Sifón and then left… Fine I thought, this is the end of it. Maybe half the smell will go away at least…I start looking up bad words in Spanish…

The next day I get up, check the bathroom and what do I see? The Sifón is leaking all over my bathroom floor… wonderful. So now I have to call and report the P -trap is leaking. I just shake my head.. I take a video of it leaking and using google translate to write “sink is leaking” and sent it off to the owner. I’m sure he has other words for me about now.. but its not my fault your Mr. toothless crotch grabber and goofness can’t even put on a simple Sifón!

He answers quickly and sends the font-a-estupididoes back again. Well they arrived at 4 pm…. I just said “lo sientos.” They said no “precupe” (no worries) and this time amazingly the two of them had on clean clothes… hmm maybe they deliberately put it on loose so they had to come back in hopes Ide have my friend in person to translate this time…. idiots…I hear them laughing in the bathroom, I just stayed in my living room on my computer and looked up how many ways to say you idiots and you all suck…among a few other choice words.

15 minutes later they went to leave, I said “fini”? Realamente? si si have a good evening the tall one said as they left…..

Don’t call me Sifón any more..