Some things I’ve learned in 10 months

I’m not young. I’ll repeat, I’m not young. Some days I’m older than others…

For more details on these topics you can read previous posts and the hell I went through on many of them…just saying…, especially with apartments….never underestimate how your home can make or break your sanity.

There is a reason “frustration” starts with an F…

Disclaimer:  I live in the Valencian region, so these are my observations from here, other regions vary in policies, paperwork, food, and even language spoken.

1. Learn frican patience. Don’t throw things and drink often.
2. Don’t settle on any apartment. A fan does not count as AC and sleeping in a coat does not count as heat.. no matter what anyone says.
3. I’m not a night owl. Yet
4. Bring money in case…You may need to install your own AC. See #2
5. “One and done?” Never. It took five in-person appointments to get my padron done. I considered drinking at 9 am.
6. Buy a printer and LOTS of ink. Making 25-50 copies for every government appointment is the norm and the “copier” store is never open early.
7. Bring lots of money. Did I say that?  (I figured an extra $1000 month over my $1000 monthly school stipend to live). Try closer to $2000 in the beginning…
8. Have patience. Don’t throw things, drink often.
9. Never shop for more than you can carry in two hands. Walking 5 blocks on stone and brick to your apartment that may or may not have stairs is real…my legs hurt all the time.
10. You’ll lose weight with all the walking they said. Resting my achy feet in taverns adds calories… that’s all I’ll say.
11. Wear the best damn shoes money can buy. see #9
12. Never wash more clothes than you can carry in one arm or have time to hang. That means maybe 10 items in the tiny washing machine, and you have to hang them. Every damn sock too.  Drop your underwear on the pizza restaurant’s patio below? Time to make friends.
13. It truly takes nearly a year to semi-relax .. and stop the stress drinking.
14. Bring your own bags. Stores charge to give you one.
15. I buy lottery tickets from the disabled. The winnings are the same and they get paid too.
16. Planning? That’s funny. Don’t plan anything more than a few days ahead. All plans can be made last minute and canceled last minute. No pasa nada. If you’re a schedule freak like me…. Learn meditation
17. What the heck is that sh…t??? Always expect the unexpected. Always. Do not ever expect you will get something American like the US. No matter how American food looks in the store (i.e. Hellman’s mayonnaise) it will be some sort of alien creation, so eat the watery white Spanish bird poop stuff version and get used to it.
18. If you’re dying for a steak from Texas. It’s not here.
19. Half and half? Nope, not a thing here. Buy NATA the whipped cream in a box; then squeeze the cream into your coffee. That sounded rude…
20. Meals are very late. 2-3 pm lunch, 9:00 pm dinner. Carry snacks with you.
21. Beware of google translate for anything important. Documents are dangerous. Get a friend to read documents or you will show up at the wrong place, with the wrong documents and start swearing.
22. Amazon is not the same here. Find out if a local business takes delivery for packages. Very few Amazon lockers exist on the outskirts of towns in gas stations.
23. Get used to fiestas, siestas, and shutdowns.
24. Wear ear plugs to bed. Buildings are not soundproof. Bars, parades, fireworks, street noise all night. Screaming out your window to be quiet won’t help. They think you are just excited.
25. Dishpan hands. Don’t use more dishes than you really need because you will be washing them by hand. Dishwashers are not everywhere and cost $$)
26. McDonald’s, Burger King, and KFC are here.  I didn’t eat it in the US, I’m not eating it here.
27. Learn Spanish
28. Swearing is acceptable. And in every conversation in Spanish.  Joder!
29. The siesta is great if you like naps. If not, get a hobby, nothing is open.
30. Medical offices close for siesta, but appointments at 7 pm? no problem.
31. Being late is ok. I haven’t relaxed enough for that yet. Just have one more wine while you wait..
32. The paperwork and bureaucracy would choke a horse. See # 6
33. “You will get used to it.” That’s the universal answer for all bureaucracy, lateness and never-ending siestas, festivals, late nights…
34. Be prepared to feel isolated/lonely if you do not speak the language. It’s really hard to make friends or talk to locals without it.
35. Naked truth:  topless/total nudity at many beaches is normal even from mom, dad, and grandpa. Wear dark sunglasses, read the blog.
36. Learn to drink coffee. It’s a serious social culture here. Coffee multiple times a day with others in the zillion outdoor patios is an everyday thing.
37. It’s okay to eat breakfast in bars; coffee con leche and tostada (toasted baguette) with pureed fresh tomatoes, olive oil, and salt is delicious. And every single bar serves fresh squeezed OJ, but no mimosas, it’s not a thing here bring your own cava.
38. Be open-minded when the food comes. What did I order?? They may not understand your bad Spanish. Be prepared to eat whatever you ordered as it wasn’t what you thought you said.
39. It’s okay to have a shot of whisky any time of day. Even 8 am, not that I would know.
40. Eat the “menu del dia.” Usually cheap (10-12 Euros) 1st, 2nd course, drink/ coffee and/or dessert. Then you need a siesta and to weigh yourself.
41. Limit your expectation on shopping for over-the-counter things like Tylenol. There is no Walgreens or Walmart here to choose items yourself.. Do you need eye drops? ask a pharmacist, vitamins? ask a pharmacist, a thermometer? ask a pharmacist, an enema? ask a pharmacist ..
42. You can fill most scripts with your home prescription, or the pharmacist can sell to you most things without a prescription. (Unless you are on public health)
43. Medication hoarding is easy. Medication waste is real. You are given all meds in the manufacturer’s box. They don’t print labels on bottles for you. If the script says “take a pill for 7 days” they give you a box of 14. What you do with it is your problem, not theirs. They hand the script back to you too. So you can hop to other pharmacies and buy more if you want. Feel free to hoard.
44. Bring your own pee cup and the lab results to your doctor. See the previous blog.
45. Don’t expect the same medical care. Bring your own B/P cuff. See the previous blog
46.  An instant on the lips is forever on the hips. Weigh 75 kilos? Um ask google to convert it,  it may not be good.
47. Learn the metric system. see # 46
48. Alcohol is cheap and easy.  Really great wine is made in Spain. And for less than $5 a bottle… well you know what that means.
49. Learn patience, don’t throw things!
50. Places close everywhere in summer. The whole month of July and/or August the world goes to the beach. Need classes in something? Or appointment at a govt office, or mail a letter? Give it up in the summer you’re getting nothing done.
51. People are very social and family-oriented. Getting together with family every single week is the norm. If you are lucky you get to go but again, can you speak spanish?
52. People hold hands everywhere no matter how old and kiss openly. Very openly..
53. Kids are out playing at 11 pm
54. It’s not an argument, it’s a conversation. People talk loud.
55. Learn patience

That’s it, folks. There’s more but it’s long enough already and I have my top 10 peeves and joys to write… for another time…

Somewhere in Spain